Abstinence, Sobriety, and Recovery

Three words that are regularly used almost interchangeably in the Twelve-Step community are abstinence, sobriety, and recovery. As my clients know, I'm a stickler when it comes to distinguishing between these three terms. I find it importantly useful for recovering addicts to allow each term to have its own precise meaning.

Abstinence means the cessation of a particular behavior. So an abstinent alcoholic ceases to drink alcohol. It's that simple. But simple doesn't mean easy. So yes, we affirm and celebrate any period of abstinence because it's a considerable achievement that deserves support, but it's also merely the beginning.

Sobriety is a state that emerges as a result of prolonged abstinence. It's not about behavior anymore, as much as it's about mental and emotional clarity. The reason addicts' lives are unmanageable is that they're not in touch with the wisdom of their emotions, and while their reasoning may perhaps be logical, they don't make sense. So an abstinent person isn't necessarily sensible, but a sober one starts to be.

Recovery is a way of life that is formed in sustained sobriety. In recovery, we learn to maintain and endure the experience of being alive in a state of mental and emotional clarity. We learn to respond intentionally to our experiences instead of reacting to them impulsively or compulsively. Most significantly, in recovery, we develop the ability to discern between our authentic values and our acquired values, and we heal our ancient injuries; thus we discover and recover our authentic self, and we live our life in a way that manifests the meaning and purpose of who we truly are.